Signing off a student is such a fantastic feeling – especially when I have been coaching them over a long period of time. A student I have been working with recently has made outstanding progress and changed his whole approach to life both in and out of school.
He initially came to me as a very angry, aggressive and frustrated person who regularly spent time in the school office being disciplined. In our initial session he told me that he had tried everything, nothing worked and he had seen it all before. He also said that nobody ever listened to him – so what was the point! I explained that he had never worked with me before, that I would listen to him, and that coaching takes a different approach to what he had done previously. We talked about how important it was for him to change his behaviour and what the outcome would be if he didn’t. He quickly confirmed he was 100% committed to taking action and we agreed to work together.
Here are some of the key areas we covered in our sessions:
- Created a specific toolbox of anger management strategies
- Talked about the difference between real causes for anger and what is just an irritation or annoyance
- Discussed how many times we have to do something before it becomes a new habit
- How people vary, their behaviour and the different ways they process information
- Things are not always black or white, right or wrong – it is ok to differ or even consider the possibility that it could be grey!
- We looked at what was important to him in life, his core values and how he was living his life in line with those values
- We explored his beliefs, what he is currently capable of and what he would like to do in the future
- That he can only control his behaviour and actions and not other peoples
- Identified that he is the only person responsible for his actions/behaviour
- Helped him work on his school/life balance
- Have fun in his leisure time and do more of what makes him happy
To move him forward from his initial angry and frustrated situation over to a more relaxed, calm and happy state, I needed to ask the right questions and actively listen to what he had to say. He was then able to acknowledge and identify what he needed to change and therefore create his own strategy for success.
I am pleased to say that since our first couple of sessions, he has not been involved in fighting with his classmates and has not been back to the school office. Giving him a foundation of coping strategies meant he could go away, try different things and work out for himself where he obtained the best success and then do more of it.
If you know somebody that is struggling with anger management and could benefit from a coaching mindset – please contact me.
