Determination and Resilience

Coaching young people means that my working week is never predictable or dull and I am constantly surprised and sometimes amazed by their achievements. I am currently working with a student who has serious home life issues which I will not talk about  here.

What has surprised me has been the impact on this student’s attitude.  While I might have expected the  situation to have a negative impact, it has actually caused her to focus on school work and revision which has driven a high standard.  This determination and resilience, coupled with or in spite of the situation, means she is on target for excellent results in upcoming exams.

Often, I am engaged by schools when behaviour, results and engagement have already taken a turn for the worse, so I was very pleased to be brought in before any of these issues had arisen.  It certainly allowed my work on motivating and supporting the student to find her own development path to have an impact.

Bringing her own determination and resilience, I am sure that the school’s proactive approach to their student will be rewarded.

You can also be proactive – contact me.

 

Emotional Intelligence

Being off school for half term has enabled me to look at my ‘to do’ list and complete some tasks that have been on there for quite some time.

I signed up for a Cognitive Reprogramming Course which I have been thinking about for a while. Not only that, I have completed and passed the first two modules covering the subject of Emotional Intelligence. I am feeling very happy about my progress and achievement so far in fact I have surpassed my expectation for the week!

I also had time to join a Webinar with the International Institute of Coaches & Mentors (IIC&M) about ‘Emotional Intelligence (EI) in the Workplace and Improving Performance’ which was very timely and fortuitous. This was a well structured presentation by Stephen Walker who imparted a myriad of information, tools and structures that could be used both on a business and personal level.

So what is Emotional Intelligence (EI)?

” …understanding how emotions affect our behaviour then creating the ability to identify and control both your and others’ emotions and acting on the information obtained”

By understanding EI you can then identify why teams, leaders and people behave in a certain way and why they do the things that they do. Emotions affect our behaviour and performance which can then impact on the decisions we make in life. People that cultivate their emotional intelligence are much more:

  • Self-Aware and have a clear understanding of their strengths and weaknesses
  • Able to manage their emotions and stay in control whatever the situation
  • Effective at communicating, can clearly convey directions and know what to say to inspire and motivate others
  • Socially aware and well tuned to the emotions of others – able to put themselves in someone else’s shoes
  • Able to deal with conflict, placate disagreements and develop a more effective home environment or workplace

Did you know that:

  • Our mood is linked to how we make decisions and that good mood leads to positive thoughts and fair judgment
  • Pleasant positive states contribute to sound cognitive functioning
  • Undesirable emotional states limit cognitive functioning
  • Happiness encourages inspiration and motivation

By taking EI into consideration you get a better understanding of which emotions drive and motivate people, what makes them do things in a certain way, why their approach is like it is and how they communicate with their inner self and others.

For a coach or leader, understanding the impact that Emotional  Intelligence has on an individual whether it be personal or professional and acknowledging their future potential and comfort zone limits, means you can structure their environment for peak performance and ultimate success.

I will certainly consider EI with my clients so that I can obtain a clear understanding of which emotions instigate certain responses and actions and therefore coach them for maximum performance and long term success.

Contact me if you want to talk about it more!

Acknowledge Your Success!

It has been a busy week for me.  I have spent my time in school, coaching students in their lead up to half term, and I have been busy with business meetings and my own personal development.
Over the last few months I have been studying towards my professional senior coach (PSC) and Accredited Senior Coach (ASC) status with The International Institute of Coaches and Mentors (IIC&M). On Friday I was given the fantastic news that I had passed both and had achieved my PSC and ASC accreditations. What a difference it made to my Friday evening and my outlook for the weekend. My results lifted my mood, I was excited and the sense of achievement was very satisfying. Acknowledging my success with a celebratory drink enabled me to reflect on the work I had done, the increased knowledge I had gained and the positive impact it had on me and my personal development.

There is a story behind how I started my PSC/ASC and committed to a deadline for completing it. Earlier this year during a personal development webinar, I was introduced to another IIC&M coach based in Canada. He wanted to achieve his PSC/ASC like me and we listened together to what was required to achieve it. He quickly committed to completing everything by the 29th May whilst I was still getting over the shock regarding the amount of work that needed to be done. Not to let the ‘UK’ side down, I took up the challenge and committed to do the same.

I am so glad that I did because I would still have been thinking about it today instead of now having PSC/ASC after my name. So now, being a senior coach with the IIC&M means that I am:

  • Committed to continually raising my coaching standards within my profession
  • Part of a talented group of IIC&M Accredited Coaches who are truly making a difference to their clients
  • Consistent in coaching my clients in line with the IIC&M’s Standards and Ethics, Key Values and Coaching Competencies

On top of all that I have made a fantastic new friend in Mark Cannon and use our regular Skype calls to catch up and share knowledge.

I have achieved my PSC/ASC goal by pushing myself out of my comfort zone and working hard. I feel a huge sense of achievement, my confidence and self esteem have grown and I feel good inside and out. Acknowledging my success and the positive feeling it has given me has already encouraged me to sign up for my Cognitive Reprogramming Practitioner Course.  Bring it on, is all I have to say!

Have a great week everybody and for those of you who are off for half term, enjoy your time off and have fun.

For any coaching queries please contact me.

Are your Life Balance Scales tipped in Favour of Fun?

I have just returned from an exciting and invigorating weekend doing a variety of fun stuff with some new coaching diploma students. Observing, encouraging and guiding people on a journey of discovery is such a rewarding and satisfying experience and certainly tips the balance in favour of fun and happiness for me.

Over the course of the weekend I have:

  • Increased my knowledge of different careers
  • Grown my network of like minded people
  • Shared my knowledge and experience to assist others in successfully achieving their goals
  • Watched outstanding coach and mentor, Curly Martin in action
  • Further developed my growth mindset and enhanced my learning and coaching skills
  • Been amazed at people’s ability to learn and push themselves out of their comfort zone
  • Laughed, smiled and thoroughly enjoyed myself

Driving back from the hotel at Heathrow I had time to reflect over the students and the activities of the weekend. Their final comments meant that I came away feeling happy and excited that I had made a positive difference to their learning experience. What a worthwhile way to spend a weekend and at the same time give something back to my coaching community.

What have you done this weekend to tip the life balance scales in the direction of fun and happiness? If you require assistance with improving your work/life balance, then contact me and start your journey of change.

Mindset over Matter!

I am reading a book called “Mindset – How You Can Fulfil Your Potential” by Dr Carol S. Dweck (ISBN 978-1-78033-200-0). It is a very interesting read and explores the differences between fixed and growth mindsets. The book explains that with the right mindset, people can raise academic grades and achieve their goals in both their personal and professional development.

At an early age most people adopt a particular view and this has a significant impact on the way they live their lives. Believing that everything is set in stone and that life is mapped out for you is part of the fixed mindset. This mindset creates a focused environment that works within a rigid framework. There is a constant need to prove yourself whether it is in the classroom, at work or at home. Fixed mindset people are very aware of their limitations and will only work within their acceptable level of ability.

The alternative is the growth mindset. This mindset is based on the belief that you can grow your qualities through opportunity, learning and effort. With this more flexible mindset,  everything comes from a starting point, change is embraced and people grow through application, experience and a willingness to explore new things.

Taking these mindsets into consideration and thinking about past teachers, lecturers, friends and managers, I now realise why I did well with some and not others. I am definitely a growth mindset person and the people I have achieved the most with have been of the same orientation.

When coaching in school, my students often mention that their interest has changed in a subject because they have a different teacher. Generally they say it is connected with the delivery of content, personality and intelligence of the new teacher. The teacher-pupil relationship certainly improves when mindsets are in alignment. A class with a growth mindset teacher would increase their subject knowledge from various perspectives and also be encouraged to develop a passion for learning.

I am off to read more of this fascinating book and see what else I can learn. Have a great week, and I would be interested to know: “Which Mindset are you?”

Using Mindfulness to Reduce Exam Stress

Now is the time of year when exams are imminent and stress is increasing in many homes. Balancing revision timetables and the quality of life is not easy during this period. I encourage some of my students to practice Mindfulness to help alleviate anxiety and stress levels.

The practice originates from Buddhism and Jon Kabat-Zinn is the modern day founder of Mindfulness. He stated that:

“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally”

The positive effects of Mindfulness training can be:

  • Improved problem solving
  • Better attention
  • Greater enjoyment of life
  • Less selfishness
  • Greater insight
  • Less neurosis
  • More acceptance
  • Better mind-body integration
  • Less beating ourselves up

A basic Mindful Meditation consists of:

  • Focusing on your breath as it flows in and out of your body
  • Observing your thoughts as they arise and letting them go little by little
  • Moving your focus away from the past and the future and bringing your awareness to the current moment

For some reason, most young people seem to be put off by the word meditation. I like to talk to them about ‘Mindful Thinking’ as this is more readily accepted.

Mindfulness can also be used when walking, eating and drinking. Being aware and in the current moment allows us to see and hear things in our environment that we would have missed if we were not being mindful. Noticing colours in the gardens and the sound of the birds in the trees when walking, can be very calming and a great stress reliever.

You can find lots of information about Mindfulness from:

  • YouTube – guided meditations with someone talking you through how to prepare for meditation then what to do
  • Books – I have a great little pocket book called “the little book of Mindfulness” by Tiddy Rowan (ISBN 978-1-84949-420-5). It fits in my handbag and has lots of great tips and quotes. There are lots of other books out there on Mindfulness
  • Apps(some are free) that can be downloaded to your phone, tablet or computer – Stop,Breathe & Think App, Calm App, Mindfulness Training App and many more

If you have not tried Mindfulness before then why not give it a go and see if it makes a difference to your quality of life. Mindfulness has certainly had a positive impact on my life and it makes all the difference when I have had a busy, stressful week. Please contact me if you want to know more. Have a great week and Best Wishes to all the exam students out there – Be Mindful, Stay Calm and Be Outstanding…….

 

15 Tips to Ease GCSE Anxiety and Tension

I was back in school this week following the Easter holidays and the change in atmosphere was very noticeable. There was more tension and lots of stressed students with worry etched all over their faces. It was very obvious that GCSEs are not far away.

As a coach and a parent with a daughter about to do her GCSEs, I have personal experience of the increased anxiety and tension that studying for exams brings to a teenagers life. I decided to do a little exercise this week and find out what parents can do to relieve some of the pressure before and during the exams. I asked my students what could parents do to make life easier around their exams and this is what I was told:

  1. It is good to be able to ask parents to participate in revision. This may consist of testing them on their knowledge, helping them with flash cards/notes/post its around the house
  2. Be interested in what they are doing and let them just talk to you about whatever subject they are revising regardless of whether you know the topic or not
  3. Be considerate of their revision timetable and don’t arrange social commitments with family and friends or spring things on them at the last minute. Early communication of anything that will affect them means they can schedule time in for it or make necessary changes and avoid extra pressure.
  4. Do not interrupt revision sessions if their door is closed
  5.  Have consideration of which room they are in and be mindful of them with regards to hoovering, tidying etc
  6. Keep the cupboards stocked up with favourite treats to enjoy on their revision breaks
  7. Encourage them to take regular breaks and to drink plenty of fluids
  8. Make their favourite suppers
  9. Keep calm, cut them a bit more slack than normal and avoid arguments
  10. Allow them to have friends over to chill and relax when they are not studying
  11. Encourage them to continue with hobbies to break up long revision sessions and give their brains a rest
  12. Ease off on their home chores
  13. Be supportive and suggest things to help them
  14. Encourage them to look after themselves, reasonable bedtimes, eat well and keep exercising
  15. Be around just to listen to them whether it be about their progress or concerns. Let them communicate how they feel

I have learn’t a great deal this week about teenagers and their approach to studying for their GCSE’s. Taking the above points into account, I will certainly be taking action to make my daughter’s exam journey as smooth as possible.

The main thing to remember is ‘be supportive and allow them to do what works for them’.

 

 

Anger, Coaching and Young People (Part II)

 

Let’s follow on from my post last week regarding anger, early warning signals and the effect it can have on young people. This week I want to talk about taking the next step and creating a toolbox of coping strategies to deal with anger as and when it arises.

Discussing anger with teenagers is very interesting as quite often they will have a very personal feeling and approach to it. Getting them to make a list of the advantages and disadvantages around their anger can provide the foundation information to create a personal toolbox of coping strategies. This list tells them what they want to happen and what they want to avoid. Once they know this then they can start to explore different coping strategies and build their plan using the steps below:

Step 1 – See It Coming

  • Identify anger triggers
  • Recognise early warning signals

Step 2 – What do I need to do next?

  • Ask yourself – is this a real reason to get mad or is it just an annoyance or irritation?
  • Avoid situations that you know will cause you to get angry. Do something different and change habits and routines
  • Take a deep breath and continue to focus on your breathing
  • Step out or walk away
  • Plan your time – poor time management can lead to anger and impatience
  • Talk or reason it out – with a friend, colleague or family member
  • Use distraction techniques – listen to music, focus on something around you in your current environment, think of a happy time, use mind games like counting or things starting with letters of the alphabet
  • Look after yourself, focus on exercise or do something you enjoy

Step 3 – Analyse

  • What worked?
  • What didn’t work?
  • Lessons learned
  • Practice, Practice, Practice – the techniques that work for you!
  • Don’t give up. Persevere and be determined – results will come

Following these simple steps enables young people to create strategies for dealing with anger and coping with it for the future. It is very useful to discuss how important it is to be able to manage anger ready for later life to avoid career problems or even issues with the police. Attaching real meaning to anger is often enough for them to realise that they need to change their behaviour patterns sooner, rather than later.

The best part of my job is experiencing a successful change in a person’s behaviour. Watching them on their journey of setting goals, creating a strategy, taking action and then obtaining their desired result is amazing. It is what I am passionate about and what motivates and drives me forward.

If you know of someone that is struggling to cope with anger which is having a significant impact on their life then please contact me.

Anger, Coaching and Young People

As my school coaching work increases so does the number of students that come to me with anger related issues. Most of them feel very despondent, frustrated and aggrieved and are struggling to find the motivation required for their daily routine. The common causes are home, school or friendship circles.

In my experience, it is very important to establish rapport and build a relationship of trust as quickly as possible. This then creates an environment that teenagers feel comfortable with and are more likely to open up the lines of communication.

Identifying the signs of anger and recognising early warning signals is essential if they are to create a successful strategy on how to cope with anger in the future. The signs of anger generally fall into three categories, physical, mental and other. Some of the physical signs are:

  • Sweating
  • Shaking
  • Fast heart beat
  • Clenched fists
  • Headaches
  • Stomach pains
  • Tense muscles
  • Tight chest

Quite often, the student identifies that they experience most of the physical signs of anger. Accepting this fact is a major step forward towards learning how to cope and mange their anger.

The next step is getting them to understand the difference between what is an annoyance, an inconvenience and a real reason to get mad. Using non-directional coaching questions enables me to get my student to talk about their anger and how and what they feel about it. Once they understand that anger is an emotion and it is okay to feel angry then some of the pressure they have been carrying starts to lift.  Most young people feel that they should not get angry and feel disappointment when they do.

The real breakthrough comes when they realise that it is how they respond to anger and the action they take, which really matters. Getting them to accept that feelings are neither right nor wrong and that people behave and interpret information differently is so important if they are to respond correctly and avoid conflict.

Most young people feel that they have no choice and control over their life and that adults make all the decisions whether that be at home or at school. By giving them the opportunity to talk about their education, hobbies, home-life, core values and beliefs, they start to identify what they do have responsibility for and the choices available to them.  In my experience, anger and frustration decreases when teenagers feel they are:

  • Listened to
  • Included in discussions
  • Treated in a fair manner
  • Given choices
  • Acknowledged
  • Respected

If you know a teenager that is experiencing these issues then please feel free to contact me. In next week’s post I will cover some “Techniques for Managing Anger”. Have an outstanding week and enjoy the sunshine and the lighter evenings.

 

 

 

Coaching Teenagers with Bulimia

When I first started coaching in schools I expected to encounter issues with lack of confidence, low self-esteem, bullying, and friendship concerns. I had not considered that eating disorders would also feature so frequently in my coaching sessions.

Over the last twelve months I have learnt so much about this controlling condition and the effect Bulimia has on a human being and their ability to function in daily life.  Some of the typical side effects of this type of disorder are:

  • Feeling low or mood swings
  • Nervousness, panic and anxiety
  • Feeling emotional and unable to cope with life’s ups and downs
  • Lack of motivation
  • Tiredness and exhaustion
  • Lack of concentration and an inability to stay focused
  • Distorted or irrational thinking
  • Heightened obsessiveness and compulsiveness
  • Low confidence and self-esteem
  • Lack of personal self-care around eating, drinking, showering, hair washing, teeth cleaning
  • Inability to communicate, detachment and secretive tendencies

Combining the above effects and the pressure of work, school or exams can then create a vicious cycle of thoughts, feelings and behaviours. This cycle can only be broken by identifying negative triggers and actions – and taking a different approach.

Bulimia can also have a domino effect on particular social groups, so if one member binges and purges then others may follow.

Coaching people on life and soft skills enables them to discover their core values and beliefs, and then identify if the way they are currently living their life is putting these into conflict. A strategy can then be developed to rectify problem areas and achieve results.

Combining coaching and help from eating disorder professionals in the NHS or private sector, as early as possible, is so important to overcome Bulimia . There are a variety of therapies available and finding the right one for the individual concerned is essential.

Keeping communication lines open, being non-judgemental and providing a  supportive environment is also crucial when assisting individuals with this type of condition.

Through networking I have been introduced to Julie Kerr from Bulimia Free. She uses her own personal experience to assist individuals to become Bulimia Free and she provides lots of excellent information on her website regarding:

Julie has been a great source of information and support in assisting me with my students with eating disorders. If you know somebody suffering with Bulimia and do not know where to turn then this could be a good place to start.

Or if you feel that coaching could help you address an issue in this area then contact me.