A Very Interesting Week

Just a short post this week as it has been a very busy week for me both on the coaching and business front.

First I attended Thames Valley Expo, a new business seminar at Green Park in Reading. I met some interesting local business people offering a variety of innovative services. I made some useful new contacts especially in a ladies networking session and also met up with a colleague who I have not seen for many years from my days in the oil and gas exploration business. He has since gone on to set up his own company and we will be arranging to catch up very soon.

I then tried something new which made me step outside my comfort zone. I participated in speed networking and what an interesting experience it was. I met some fascinating individuals, gained knowledge about lots of different people and their business operations and acquired lots of business cards in forty five minutes. It was very noisy and I had a dry throat afterwards but it was great fun. I would advise drinking plenty of water before, during and after speed networking to keep your focus, concentration and hydration levels topped up and prevent coming away with a headache. If you have not tried it then go and give it a go and see what you think.

Following on from that I have spent the weekend assisting Curly Martin from Achievement Specialists Limited, coaching her new set of Life Coaching Diploma students in London. There is no better way to spend a weekend than meeting new people, watching and assisting them on their developmental journey and seeing an amazing coach and mentor in action. After the weekend, I have come away even more excited, energised and motivated, and I know my coming week will be an outstanding one.

An very interesting week indeed!

Why I Coach Young People

Working with young people and coaching them to a happier and more successful life is such an amazing experience for me. Observing my students on their transformational journey and seeing the difference it makes is certainly what motivates and drives me forward.

The Berkshire schools I work with present me with a constant stream of challenging young people and this enables me to use my creativity, intuitive nature and outside of the box thinking to coach students towards successful, strategic solutions.

I have had some outstanding feedback this week from a student at one of my schools, which is always a great experience for me.

My pupil’s feedback form explained that having the opportunity to talk to me regarding things that she could not talk to other people about and being encouraged to be more open were most useful to her. Our sessions had enabled her to:

  • Be more confident towards others
  • Feel more strong as a person
  • Talk to people about problems or issues
  • Remember what personal qualities she has

As far as the need for further improvement, she felt there was nothing more I could do as she had improved enough. She thanked me for all that I had done in making her feel better about herself and how to cope through hard times and she would be sorry not to see me next week.

The school totally agreed with the student feedback and confirmed that since the start of our sessions there had been no further visits to her form tutor which previously had been a regular occurrence. An excellent result for both my student and the school.

There is no better job for me than coaching life and soft skills to young people and seeing the benefits they gain from it as they move towards adulthood. Observing the transformation and improvement in their confidence and self-belief when they overcome obstacles, fears and insecurities, then watching them take action to get their desired result, is absolutely amazing. That is what inspires me and makes me so passionate about what I do.

Teenagers, Mistakes and Social Media

I was reminded this week of how young people can totally underestimate the reach and power of social media.

During one of my coaching sessions my student appeared very troubled and spoke to me about a social media issue that had come to her attention. Basically two of her classmates had created a profile on a dating website for another pupil and used a school email address for the profile contact details. The pupil was totally unaware of what had been done.

Through the discussion I was able to help my student to identify how wrong this was:

  • This was an adult website and the pupil was a minor
  • They had input the pupil’s details without consent
  • Inappropriate use of school email address
  • Risk of exposure to strangers who trawl dating websites
  • The severity of the whole situation

The other two classmates were oblivious to the serious nature of what they had done and thought it was just a bit of fun. Fortunately my student realised it was not funny and was adult and mature enough to raise it with me. I then raised it with the school as a safeguarding issue so that the profile could be deleted as soon as possible.

Coaching young people on the principles of life and making the right decision is not always easy. They are often worried about the risk of becoming unpopular by telling the truth.  I always coach my students to act with kindness, compassion, honesty and integrity. Being mindful of those core values and using them while they are young is an excellent foundation for adulthood and a successful working life.

Doing the right thing is never the easiest decision to make and getting young people to understand that is a constant challenge in my coaching life!

Experiencing Teenage Stress, Anxiety or Panic?

As I progress as a coach, more and more of my sessions focus on how to reduce panic, anxiety and stress. I have seen a significant increase in these concerns in young people, specifically in secondary education.

These issues were just not familiar to me when I was in my teens.  In those days anxiety and stress were issues for adults that worked too hard, not for young people! Being a teenager was more carefree in my day.

So what has changed for so many young people to be affected?

In my experience, pressure is the main factor in the majority of cases and this tends to come from peers, school, family and social media. The focus on academic results and public awareness of them puts students under an enormous amount of pressure to exceed or maintain the previous year’s results.

As the education environment constantly changes, so does the requirement for supporting students who are not coping with this increase in pressure. School pastoral teams are being asked to educate students regarding coping methods and strategies and how to use them to combat stress and anxiety.

Most schools offer a counselling service, although more forward thinking schools are also promoting coaching – which is more about taking action rather than a talking therapy. Coaching enables students to build confidence, increase self-esteem, consider different perspectives and take action and control in order to achieve specific goals. Focusing on the soft skills of communication, body language and building rapport is an essential part of the coaching process, especially in preparation for education and career progression.

Integrating techniques such as Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Mindfulness and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) enables me to coach my students and clients effectively, helping them to build a toolbox  of coping mechanisms to deal with stress and anxiety, no matter how it manifests itself.  Some of the techniques I use are:

  • Visualisation
  • Breathing
  • Mind Games
  • Mindfulness
  • Meditation
  • Distraction
  • Tapping

To find out which techniques are most suitable for your situation, you could attend workshops or read self help books. Alternatively, if you prefer a more personal approach tailored to your needs then why not contact me?

 

Energised and Motivated for the Week Ahead?

Why is it that when we do something different, not only does it change our physical state, it alters our perspective and opinions, too?

I have had a week off from coaching as it has been the half term holidays, so here was my opportunity to do something new for me!

Not wanting to waste this time, I decided to make a plan of things I wanted to achieve over the week. My week was very busy and I am pleased to say that everything on my ‘to do’ list was completed and I exceeded my expectations in many respects.

A number of things on my list had been around for quite some time and were starting to get me down. Just writing them down and then putting a number of importance next to them kick started me into action and my energy levels started to rise. I was eager to start and once I had a few quick wins under my belt then the rest of my tasks easily followed suit.

The feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment was amazing, especially knowing that I had:

  • Cleaned my entire house
  • Spent quality time with my daughter
  • Lay in bed and rested
  • Rung my Auntie to catch up
  • Bought four new car tyres
  • Been to the opticians and had my eyes tested
  • Gone to a new Yoga class taught by a friend
  • Completed my assignments for my Mindfulness Diploma
  • Finished a book that I have had on the go for some time – and started a new one
  • Been to the Dentist for a check up
  • Spent quality time with friends and family having supper and enjoying their company
  • Defrosted my garage freezer (I have been getting round to doing this for the last 2 years!)

A lot of my tasks were very simple but I had allowed them to build up and, as a result, so had the pressure of not succeeding. Making a list and factoring in some time made a huge difference and once I saw some tasks ticked off my list then there was no stopping me! My plan for my Mindfulness Diploma was to get eight of the eleven assignments done, and completing all of them and submitting my work for marking was way beyond what I originally planned to do. It just goes to show how outstanding we can be if we prepare, plan and organise our time.

The positive impact of my achievements means that I will return to work, able to coach my students in an even more happy, confident and energised state, and who knows what amazing and outstanding results will come from it!

Completing tasks and doing something different can be very fulfilling and motivating. So go on, tempt those taste buds with something new! See what you can achieve  and who knows what positive effect it will have on your working week.

Success and Results! Did you get them this week?

I have had a fantastic week. I have had success both in coaching my students and also in taking on a completely new experience. In both cases I obtained results which enabled me to get to that amazing ‘sense of achievement’ feeling.

Firstly, this week I signed off one of my students who came to me initially because of panic and anxiety attacks. We have been working on different techniques and building up a toolbox of coping strategies, especially distraction tools such as:

  • Focused breathing
  • Mind games using counting, the alphabet and films
  • Visualisation of peaceful, happy, calm experiences
  • Circle of Excellence and the necessary skills
  • Change of State, using music or personal experiences
  • Planning and preparation for events

Building these tools and discussing how to use them has been pivotal in increasing my student’s confidence and self-esteem. Through regular practice at home and in low stress situations she has fine tuned her technique to perfection. She now has the knowledge and expertise to apply the right strategy in a confident and self assured manner in order to succeed. Watching a student on their journey of discovery and seeing them turn a corner is the reason I do this job – and what an amazing experience it is.

Secondly, I had lots of fun doing something completely different with my family and friends over the weekend. We all went for an off road Segway experience in the woods. Although the weather was a little uncertain and the conditions wet, we were not put off. The fear of the unknown was certainly apparent as we set off through the woods, slightly unbalanced and wobbly as we flew over tree roots and up and down water filled ditches. Going through my first ditch certainly increased my fear factor and my adrenalin level but I pushed through this uncomfortable zone and succeeded. The sense of achievement afterwards was amazing and I am so glad I did it. By the time our session came to an end it was amazing to see the transformation we had gone through in an hour. We went from apprehensive, wobbly, nervous students to steady, confident and excited Segway drivers.

Having fun and being happy certainly changes our state of mind so when we experience feelings like that, how differently do we look at our world and what is happening to us? The happiness we get from success also has a major impact on the action we take and the results we get. Have an outstanding half term everyone – get out there and have some fun, and see what a positive effect it has.

Equine Assisted Learning and Teenagers…..

My post last week talked about Coaching Teenagers and Horses and the similarities between them. This week I will be covering the importance of bringing the two groups together and what they can offer to each other.

In my experience, horses can be a very important part of a young person’s growth, development and learning. Whether it is down on the ground or in the saddle, equines have a tremendous influence on people in a very powerful way. Horses can assist with relationship building, communication, responsibility, assertiveness, enjoyment and contentment in a very natural and rewarding way.

Horses are very social animals, just like humans, and have defined roles within the herd that are similar to a family hierarchy. They are flight animals and very sensitive to change in their habitual environment which is not unlike human beings. Spending time with horses can provide benefits on a mental, emotional, spiritual and physical level. Just being around horses can be very therapeutic, especially for teenagers that are struggling with life issues like self-harm, anger management, behavioural disorders, lack of confidence and self-esteem.

Interacting with horses, whether for sport or leisure, enables young people to develop important life skills and put them into practice. Caring and taking responsibility for an equine can be essential therapy for young people. It assists in shifting the focus from their own personal life to that of the horse and breaks the acute anxiety spiral of emotional thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Having another life to consider naturally creates a change in thinking and a focus on the action that needs to be taken especially in the here and now.

These opportunities are available to young people using the services of charity organisations like JAC (Just Around The Corner).  Or, as an equine enthusiast, you could reach out to a teenager you know and introduce them to your horse. A morning spent grooming and performing some basic ground work could be a trigger for their interest and well-being plus you get help with the mucking out!

Coaching Teenagers and Horses

I had an interesting conversation this week in one of my group coaching sessions. We were discussing the topic of sensitive young people and effective ways of avoiding conflict when dealing with them. Talking to the group about my experience of teenagers with problems made me realise how similar the effective methods are when working with horses.

When talking to my teenage students in recent months I have encountered eating disorders, bullying, anger management and especially lack of stability and boundaries at home. I also have personal experience of owning a difficult horse and I know what it takes to improve their quality of life, build a relationship and communicate effectively with them in order to obtain results and stay safe.
Both horses and sensitive teenagers display the characteristics of the fight/flight instinct. These can manifest themselves in a variety of different behaviours but all need to be dealt with in a calm and low key way.

If information is to be digested, processed and acted upon, a number of common approaches can help effective and successful communication:

  • The avoidance of raised adrenalin levels is very important
  • Listen actively to what your subject has to say and do not interrupt (this is also relevant in the equine world!)
  • Open and confident body language, gentle gestures and the correct pitch and tonality creates an environment of trust
  • Setting your student up to win and not to fail will encourage and motivate them to increase their learning and confidence.

For example,  raised adrenalin levels can prevent your nervous and stressed horse from loading effectively into a horsebox – and also prevent an anxious teenager from controlling their anger or responding to advice.

A very effective refinement is to be aware of your subject’s sensitivity in these areas and to adapt your own approach accordingly. If you are working with teenagers or horses, these simple approaches will surely increase your chance of positive results and a successful outcome.

You could now also apply my techniques on choices and control from a solid starting point.

Are your 2015 Goals already a thing of the Past?

Did you start the year full of enthusiasm, motivation and determination to make changes and achieve new goals – only to find you are struggling to maintain that change and feel like giving up?

Still want to succeed? Then spend a little time looking at your progress and make a note of:
1) What went well?
2) What has disappointed you?
3) How do you feel about your progress?
4) What needs to happen next?
5) Who could help you?

Was your goal realistically achievable from the beginning? If not then what needs to change for you to achieve success? Perhaps there are other, smaller goals that need to be completed before you can go on to obtain ultimate success. If something hasn’t worked, change your approach and keep trying until you start to see progress towards your desired result. Don’t be put off if things don’t quite go to plan. My own weight loss journey has been full of ups and downs but my determination to be healthy and fit so that I can see my family grow up is still the objective that drives me forward.

In my experience, any significant change that you want to make long term will require changing your mindset and habits to succeed. To change a habit, something has to be repeated between 40 and 70 times before our brain starts to realise that we want to make a permanent change rather than just trying something new.

Don’t beat yourself up if things have not quite gone to plan. Draw a line under what you are not happy about, then look at what you have done and what you have learnt and take that forward. Incorporating fun and happiness into your goal will increase your probability of success tenfold. Have a great week and focus on that finishing line – and who knows what you will achieve along the way.

Choices, Control and Teenagers!

It was back to school for me this week following the Christmas break.  Getting straight into the challenge of coaching teenagers, I was quickly faced with the issues of their world and the impact they have on their day to day life. So many young people today say that they have no choice or control over what they do!

“Parents, teachers and adults take control and make all the decisions” is a regular complaint that I hear. Explaining in a positive way that throughout life we are answerable to someone whether that is a parent, boss or organisation and that boundaries and guidelines have to be followed, can be a challenge to say the least.
If I discuss rules and boundaries and identify why they are important, this often changes a young person’s perspective. Another important step is helping them to understand their spheres of influence – that they cannot change another person’s behaviour but they can control what they do in response (and how), and that this creates choice for them.

When young people feel that they have choices and control, they are happier, more contented and able to cope with the general ups and downs of life. Without any choice, control or involvement then young people look to other things to try to obtain what they feel is missing from their lives. Eating disorders, self-harm and bullying are all things that young people can turn to because they believe it will give them the control they are missing. Often, these issues are a cry for help – asking for someone to listen to them and for to have the opportunity to communicate how they are feeling.

Communication, keeping an open mind and not being judgmental is vital if we are to understand and steer young people through the teenage minefield into happy, confident and understanding adults. Recognising and acknowledging change or progress builds confidence, an openness to try different things and encourages personal development.  Above all, helping our teenagers to make choices and respecting their need for control creates an environment where they can grow and succeed.