Have Fun, Achieve More!

Just recently my work and social life have been very hectic, so managing and balancing my time has been quite a challenge.

My school coaching and mentoring work is growing significantly. As mock exams approach and the GCSE machine starts to rumble,  stress and anxiety starts to build in my students.

On a social front, for some reason everyone seems to want to get together before the Christmas party mayhem commences. My social calendar has never been so busy in November!

Reflecting back over the last few weeks and acknowledging what I have achieved has been very interesting. What I had not realised is the amount of things I had combined, incorporated and completed in this busy period. Not only that – I have managed to balance work and fun whilst being mindful of my own well-being.

Here are some of my top tips for maintaining a balanced life:

  • Be specific and clear about what goals you want to achieve – both work and leisure
  • Stay focused and don’t let anything distract you
  • Have fun, laugh lots and feel good about yourself
  • Be flexible, sometimes things need to be moved around/changed
  • Embrace the growth mindset approach
  • Be aware and mindful of others feelings/emotions
  • Communicate effectively
  • Look after yourself – eat well, stay hydrated, exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep
  • Acknowledge your achievements and treat yourself
  • Do more of what makes you happy

Have a great week and achieve lots. If you need assistance with time management or focusing and achieving your goals then contact me.

 

 

Risk Taking and The Adolescent Brain

I attended a very interesting presentation at my daughter’s school this week on ‘The Mysterious Workings of the Adolescent Brain’. This was part of the Aspire Lecture Series.  The presentation was given by Dr Emma Kilford who is part of the research team at University College London (UC L), working for Professor Sarah-Jayne Blakemore, Professor of Cognitive Neuroscience.

The presentation covered:

  • How the adolescent brain develops
  • Peer influence on risk taking
  • Social exclusion in adolescence and its effects

Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) was used to study the adolescent brain and the changes it goes through to maturity. The human brain actually develops from the back to the front. All the complex functions and the social brain network are located at the front of the brain and are the last to develop which would explain why we mature with age – hence why we  make different decisions as adults than we would as a child. MRI scanning confirms that the brain continues to develop into our thirties and that grey matter changes level off around age 28.

The research team were particularly interested with how adolescents approach risk-taking and the difference that peer influence has on them. Their experiment was to monitor young people taking risks when put into a driving game simulator alone and then with their peers. The results were very interesting in that the risk-taking trebled leading to more crashes when the peer group were added. The statistics state that young people are more likely to have a car accident with other young people in the car where adults are more likely to have a crash when alone, so quite the opposite.

Adolescents are hypersensitive to social exclusion which can lead to mood change and affect decision making.  Being in a group can affect the normal behaviour of a young person. For example, a well behaved son and student can behave like a thug when attending a football match with friends and make different decisions than if he was alone.  The choices young people make can differ depending on the social factors. Young people are more likely to smoke, drink or take drugs if their friends are doing it.

The team also looked at how social influence impacts risk perception in adolescents. They presented teenagers with a list of scenarios including swimming in a lake at night, driving without a seatbelt, walking down a dark alleyway alone. They then asked them to rate the risk of each scenario on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being low and 10 being high. The teenagers were then shown data from other teenagers who had rated the risk higher. They then asked the teenagers to do the exercise again and all the ratings went up across the board. This shows that adolescents are influenced by other people’s perceptions. The experiment was also run using the risk ratings of adults which also increased the ratings on the age groups (8 to 11), (15-18), (19 to 25) and (26 to 59). The only group that was influenced more by their peers and not by adults was age group (12 to 14).

To summarise, the adolescent brain goes through many stages of development which can have an affect on decision making, risk-taking, emotions, rewards, happiness and behaviour. Synaptic changes (life experiences stored in the brain) are significant in adolescence and a pruning system occurs where dormant synapses are removed to make room for the ones that are used on a regular basis. Environmental and social influence have a significant impact on the adolescent teenager and explains why they can be so different. There is no such thing as the average teenager!

I found this a very informative and useful presentation and explains some of the reasons why young people behave and make the decisions that they do. I will certainly take this into consideration around the students that I coach in schools.

If you know a young person struggling through adolescence who would benefit from life coaching then please contact me.

Coaching for Revision Success

It is that time of year again where Year 11 students start to go into panic mode as mock exams are knocking on the door and actual exams are becoming a reality.

Coaching my students through the exam process on a one to one or group basis enables them to build confidence, manage stress levels and create a strategy for success. Here are some of my top tips for organising time and staying calm during a very busy year:

  • Create a revision timetable
  • Build a spreadsheet including all subjects, current grades, predicted grades, areas for improvement, who and what can be of assistance – (this spreadsheet should really be updated regularly throughout the academic year)
  • Weekly planning –  incorporating homework, revision, social commitments and fun activities
  • Communication – share your commitments to avoid unexpected demands on your time

By doing all of the above, students can plan, prepare and schedule their time and keep control over their busy lives. It enables them to identify their current progress and then arrange help and support regarding areas for improvement. Staying in control of their time means that stress is manageable, anxiety is kept to a minimum and the chances of getting overwhelmed is greatly reduced. Communication within the family – for example being clear on family activities and other schedules – is key for avoiding surprise demands on work timetables.

If you know of a young person or group of students that would benefit from coaching in their final year then please contact me.

Coaching for Trichotillomania

Trichotillomania is an impulse control disorder that involves irresistible urges that can co-exist with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). It also has strong similarities with Compulsive Skin Picking. It usually develops at an early age from adolescence to early twenties and often stays with the sufferer throughout their life until they get treatment. The condition is more common in girls than boys.

Through my youth coaching in school I have been presented with various forms of Trichotillomania ranging from recurrent compulsive pulling of:

  • Hair from the root of the scalp causing baldness
  • Eyebrows
  • Eyelashes
  • Hair from the pubic region
  • Perirectal area

Other issues that are closely related are nail biting, skin picking and hair sucking/chewing.

Individuals with Trichotillomania often try to cover up the hair loss and try to prevent others from seeing what they are doing by using camouflage techniques. This can include using hats, scarves, false eyelashes and even permanent eyebrow tattoos.

Doctors don’t know for certain what causes trichotillomania. Some think it could be related to obsessive-compulsive disorder since OCD and trichotillomania both involve repetitive behaviours.  Some sufferers also have problems like depression and anxiety. Compulsive behaviours like trichotillomania involve brain chemistry and may be genetic.

Sufferers can be so embarrassed, ashamed or depressed with their hair loss that they avoid social situations in order to prevent other people from seeing it. In my experience, Trichotillomania tends to affect confidence and self esteem and stops my students from living a normal life.

Using a combination or life coaching and Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, I enable my students to build their confidence and self-esteem, identify triggers, symptoms and patterns of behaviour, then form a strategy to break the cycle and do something different.

If you know of a young person with Trichotillomania that needs assistance then please consider contacting me.

 

Coaching for a Wider Audience

Recently I have been asked to provide advice and guidance on the use of coaching techniques to groups in a variety of different organisations. The reason I usually find for this is that they want to encourage a more non-directional coaching environment in the workplace, enable their staff to be happy and confident in their careers and obtain successful results for their organisation.

Some of the techniques that I cover include:

  • Rapport Building
  • Communication Skills
  • An Introduction to Coaching Skills
  • Effective Questioning

Enabling managers, teachers and GP’s to be able to build rapport quickly, communicate effectively and obtain the correct information by asking the right questions is likely to make a real difference to their clients, students and patients.

If you would like to know more about results based coaching in the workplace then by all means – contact me.

Why Planning is Key for Success!

As I enable my students to achieve what they want in life, I have noticed that I am doing more coaching around planning and preparing to make a change.

In most cases my clients understand that goals need to be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time related. Combine that with determination and focus then change will happen. The question I am often asked is, how do I maintain my goals and succeed long-term?

The key for success is to plan, prepare and practice!
Most students tend to focus on the end result and spend less time on planning how they are going to get there, by what means and how to sustain it. Effective questioning enables me to coach my clients to create their own strategy for achievement that is personal to them. Success is more likely if it comes from within rather than suggested by someone else.

So what needs to be considered when planning and preparing to make a change?

  • Keep things simple
  • Who can assist in the process (family, friends, colleagues)
  • Continuous communication with your support network
  • What things are needed? (transport, music, calm, books)
  • What coping strategies are required? (breathing, visualisation, mind games, music,)
  • Set the scene
  • What do you NOT want?  (anxiety, arguing, distractions, frustration)
  • What DO you want? (calm, peace, happiness, confidence)
  • Set yourself up for success rather than failure
  • Emotional Intelligence – the awareness of emotions and behaviours in self and others
  • Know your strengths and areas for improvement
  • Maintain a positive mindset

Putting these things into place before attempting any action will certainly increase your chances for success. Practice and repetition will also make your conscious and unconscious mind aware of what needs to happen. In the event of a change, nerves or anxiety then it is the unconscious practiced mind that will take over and enable you to succeed with your actions.

It takes between 40 – 70 repetitions before the brain identifies change and acknowledges it as a new habit so if you want to maintain your success, remember to plan, prepare and practice, practice, practice!

Have an outstanding week and contact me if you want coaching to success.

 

Coaching and Results!

Signing off a student is such a fantastic feeling – especially when I have been coaching them over a long period of time. A student I have been working with recently has made outstanding progress and changed his whole approach to life both in and out of school.

He initially came to me as a very angry, aggressive and frustrated person who regularly spent time in the school office being disciplined. In our initial session he told me that he had tried everything, nothing worked and he had seen it all before. He also said that nobody ever listened to him – so what was the point! I explained that he had never worked with me before, that I would listen to him, and that coaching takes a different approach to what he had done previously. We talked about how important it was for him to change his behaviour and what the outcome would be if he didn’t. He quickly confirmed he was 100% committed to taking action and we agreed to work together.

Here are some of the key areas we covered in our sessions:

  • Created a specific toolbox of anger management strategies
  • Talked about the difference between real causes for anger and what is just an irritation or annoyance
  • Discussed how many times we have to do something before it becomes a new habit
  • How people vary, their behaviour and the different ways they process information
  • Things are not always black or white, right or wrong – it is ok to differ or even consider the possibility that it could be grey!
  • We looked at what was important to him in life, his core values and how he was living his life in line with those values
  • We explored his beliefs, what he is currently capable of and what he would like to do in the future
  • That he can only control his behaviour and actions and not other peoples
  • Identified that he is the only person responsible for his actions/behaviour
  • Helped him work on his school/life balance
  • Have fun in his leisure time and do more of what makes him happy

To move him forward from his initial angry and frustrated situation over to a more relaxed, calm and happy state, I needed to ask the right questions and actively listen to what he had to say. He was then able to  acknowledge and identify what he needed to change and therefore create his own strategy for success.

I am pleased to say that since our first couple of sessions, he has not been involved in fighting with his classmates and has not been back to the school office. Giving him a foundation of coping strategies meant he could go away, try different things and work out for himself where he obtained the best success and then do more of it.

If you know somebody that is struggling with anger management and could benefit from a coaching mindset – please contact me.

Coaching and Bullying

This week Radio 1 has been covering the very sad story of fourteen year old Izzy Dix who took her own life after telling her Mum that bullying at Brixham College was making her life hell. I listened to the devastating details and the heartbreak her family have had to endure and felt that nobody should have to go through that.

I have certainly seen an increase in school students requiring coaching around bullying issues. In my experience, the most successful outcomes arise when multiple parties get involved. That   includes parents, friends, family and school staff. The forward-thinking schools that employ counsellors and coaches to assist students through the bullying minefield, are definitely improving the chances of a successful resolution and also helping to provide coping strategies for the future.

When I coach a student and bullying is a factor, here are some of the things that I do to encourage them to move forward:

  • Speak to the school to clarify their policy on bullying and make sure that the student is also fully aware of it
  • Listen actively to my student so that I can also hear what they are not saying about the situation
  • Clarify what my student  sees as bullying and what is not
  • Find out what they want to happen and what they do not want happening in their lives
  • Encourage them to build their support network of family, friends, and teachers so that they have someone to turn to both in and out of school
  • Get them to understand communication is key for their support network to work effectively
  • Help them take control and create choice for themselves
  • Build coping strategies specifically for my student
  • Coach students on all areas of life including health, wealth, relationships, career, school/work, spirituality, contribution and fun
  • Increase confidence and self-esteem
  • Set goals to enable them to shift their focus to something else
  • Find out what is important to them in life and identify their core values
  • Get them to do more of what makes them happy

In most cases, if the student is prepared to take action and follow this framework they will achieve results and move forward.

Please do let me know if you have found this useful – or if you or your school is interested in finding out more about what I do then please contact me.

 

 

Want to Maintain Your Success?

Have you ever made a change in your life and then not maintained your success?  Ever reverted back to an old habit after making good progress towards your original goal? Did you ask yourself what was it that stopped you from obtaining long term success? If you did not ask yourself that question then that could be the reason why you did not fully accomplish your goal in the first place.

Successful people always do the following in order to succeed:

  • Reflect on their progress by looking at what went well and also what did not go so well
  • Stay in control no matter how tough the situation is
  • Move on if something is not working
  • Tolerate discomfort and work through situations until they achieve what they want
  • Embrace change and always be prepared to try
  • Think productively and expend their energy wisely
  • Constantly evaluate their core beliefs
  • Maintain a happy and positive outlook
  • Kind and mindful of others
  • Take calculated risks
  • Have an abundance of staying power
  • Accept full responsibility for their actions and behaviour
  • Work alone or as part of a team
  • Recognise and acknowledge the hardwork of others
  • Maintain a good Work/Life Balance

Following the above principles will enable you to build your mental strength and increase your ability to succeed and maintain the changes you want to make in life. If you require assistance in making a change in your life then please contact me.

Transitioning Back to School or Work

It is that time of year where young people are going back to school and parents are returning to their usual work routine. Quite often over the summer holidays parents change their working habits to be around more for children by working from home, changing working hours or taking time off. Come September, the transition back to normal daily routine commences. For parents and students this can be a difficult and unsettling period – resulting in an increase of panic and anxiety.

Here are my top 5 tips for a successful transition back to your school or work environment this week:

  • Emotional Intelligence – Be aware of your own feelings and those around you, be mindful and act accordingly. Set yourself up for success rather than failure
  • Mindset – Maintain a growth mindset rather than being fixed, be open to opportunities, look for positives in all situations, reflect on experiences and do more of what is working for you and less of what is not!
  • Goals – Have a focus, put plans and strategies in place, monitor your progress and celebrate your successes
  • Communication – Avoid disappointment and frustration by talking to family, friends and colleagues. Be clear about what you want to happen and do not leave things to chance
  • Fun – Know what makes you happy, contented and joyful and do lots of it and when the going gets tough your joyful times will help you through and assist you with the work/life balance

Being flexible, embracing change and having things to look forward to will certainly contribute towards a more smooth transition back to school/work.

If you are struggling to make a change then life coaching could be the solution especially if you want to change something in one of the following areas:

Health and Lifestyle

Wealth

Relationships

Leisure

Career

Contribution/Charity

Spirituality

If you want to propel yourself into positivity then contact me