Panic, anxiety, lack of confidence and low self-esteem in teenagers is certainly becoming more common and a cause for concern amongst parents and teachers. The education curriculum places greater demands on teachers year by year which means they have less or even no time to focus on all-round individual welfare. Even daily routines at home are busy and demanding with constant use of Mum and Dad’s taxi to get young people from A to B regarding social and after school activities and parents struggling with stressful jobs and an acceptable work life balance.
How can we as parents prevent these essential skills from falling by the wayside? A good starting point could be:

• Getting them to socialise and move away from their screen or Xbox
• Consideration of new hobbies/sports
• Meeting new people whilst developing new interests and skills
• Involvement in peer mentoring/buddy programs
• Parental involvement in their interests
• Showing support
• Making them feel a valued member of the family
• Rewarding achievement (does not have to be financial could be their favourite supper etc)
• Encouraging them to identify all accomplishments no matter how big or small
• Giving them the opportunity to reflect on progress and discuss what they have learnt, good or bad
• Communicating with them and discussing plans for achievements over the coming year

So what about education establishments and what can they do to improve the development of non-academic skills? Some forward thinking schools are now starting to use coaching to build confidence, reduce anxiety and increase self-esteem in their students. I work with a school in the Berkshire area that not only offers counselling to the students but offers life coaching to enable students to remove obstacles and achieve their goals/success. Life coaching is a holistic approach to life and looks at all areas from health, wealth, career, relationships, fun, contribution and then takes each area in turn and evaluates the current situation and where they would like to go and then through discussion, a way forward is decided.
The excellent thing about coaching is that the way forward comes from the student rather than a plan of action passed down from an adult. How many young people feel they have no control or say regarding what they do? Using effective questioning and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques, the coach can extract information from young people which then forms the foundation for their strategic plan forward to achieving their goal. The use of modern themes for discussion and a non judgmental approach gives a familiar and comfortable environment which young people can appreciate and open up to.
Combining parental support and coaching in the school education system has to be a recipe for success and a route away from anxiety, low self-esteem and lack of confidence. If you would like any further details or have any queries regarding group or individual coaching please go to www.simplypositive.co.uk or email me: kathrine.smith@simplypositive.co.uk

How many times do we hear ‘I am bored’ or ‘There is nothing to do’ or even ‘I am fed up and cannot be bothered’ from our teenagers?

‘Quite a lot,’ I would say and usually because we have very little time to give them ourselves. So, how can we help to alter their perspective and interest? Taking into account that family life is busy and that it is easier to rely on the same routine generally means we get the same results but if we do something different then the outcomes and results we receive can be totally different. Simple changes can inject more intrigue into the young enquiring mind and these do not have to cost anything at all, which is a real bonus in this costly day and age. So what are some of these low budget ideas?

• Try a new genre of film, at home or the cinema
• Listen to different music
• Walk an alternative way to/from school
• Investigate new clubs/hobbies
• Meet new people or talk to different people at school
• Consider voluntary work
• Reduce screen/social media time and engage in family chats which could be started over meal times together
• Encouragement around participating in cooking for the family, if they always bake cakes then ask them to try making something savoury or vice versa
• Parents to participate in their favourite activity for example Xbox, Wii or play a game together
• Duke of Edinburgh Awards and develop new skills
• Try new foods
• Read different books
• Make the ordinary jobs a bit more fun, introduce a family challenge!

No doubt there are lots more that could be added to the list but the idea is there. Actively participating in their lives can make a huge difference to how they respond to life in general. It does not matter how awful we are on the Xbox/Wii or playing a game/sport, it is the participation and fact that we are interested, engaged and motivated by doing things with them. Also during these activities it gives young people time to communicate with us and for parents to have exposure into their lives and experiences and to learn more about what makes them tick or even what could be bothering them. Young people do not always cope very well with direct questions and it can be a signal for them to clam up whereas indirect questions during a relaxed and enjoyable activity can reveal the most interesting and important information or even what is worrying them. Be prepared to listen actively to what they have to say and take action where necessary and give positive feedback when they ask for help and support. All these things contribute to building rapport and a happy bond with our children which in effect reduces misunderstandings and tension in home-life. So, go on and do something different, see what it brings you and who knows what enjoyment and learning you will experience along the way whilst opening up opportunities and experiences for your teenager…….

The school term is now underway and that brings a whole host of challenges and issues for young people. Some are starting their final GCSE or A Level year which means lots of hard work and pressure and tension at home which can make life in general a little rocky to say the least.
I am also back at school coaching young people in the secondary school environment and one of the things that they regularly mention is that they feel that nobody listens to them and that they have no control over what they do, adults seem to be making all the decisions.

That feeling in itself is not a very nice one and on top of all the pressure that school demands, I can understand why teenagers seek control from other things which can come in the form of eating disorders, self harming, smoking, alcohol and illegal substances.
I spend a lot of my time listening to young people and their problems, I don’t judge or berate them but we do discuss looking at things from an alternative perspective and maybe trying something different then seeing what the results are. Quite often they get some positive and surprising results which helps them to understand that not everything that adults or parents say is right or wrong it is just how different people interpret and process information therefore giving them a different perspective. This also helps when dealing with their peer groups and different opinions.
So, my strategy for dealing with young people is this:

• Make time to listen to what they have to say and actively listen to them
• Support and encourage them
• Be understanding and cut them a little slack at home especially with timescales and expectations
• Arrange some favourite things for weekends and holidays

I feel that doing this will encourage the lines of communication to stay open, show a level of understanding regarding school demands and provide a nice treat to relieve some of the pressure of school work. Just by finding a little time on a regular basis can make a huge difference to young people and the reward for everyone is a happier household which is surely a recipe for success.

Yes it is possible if they are given the opportunity to build their safety awareness at a very early stage and we, as parents, support them in their journey of knowledge.

Teenagers can learn to drive prior to their seventeenth birthday by joining clubs like the Under17 Car Club. The club is run by volunteers to keep costs down and no further insurance is required as they learn in your own car, with parent supervision, on private land. Meetings are on a Sunday at various locations around the South of England and run from March to November.

Using the Roadcraft driving manuals, which are used by the police, students are taught about:

• The mechanics of the car
• All the essential car checks that should be completed on a regular basis
• Road and safety awareness
• Driving technique

On top of that each student receives tuition from an authorised instructor on a regular basis to enable students to go through the grading system and perfect their technique and knowledge.  The student has to competently demonstrate all the requirements and manoeuvres of that grade before they can progress onto the next level. The grading system goes from:

• Ungraded on first joining
• Grade 5
• Grade 4
• Grade 3
• Grade 2
• Grade 1
• Grade X – although this is quite rare

Each location that they use is quite unique and has something different to offer.  They use race tracks, emergency services practice units and driving centres. By using the different sites students get the opportunity to experience real road layouts, motorway driving and what speed feels like on a track.

They also organise extra events such as Skid Pan Training, 4X4 Driving Day and First Aid Training.

My daughter joined the club in February 2014 and has only missed one meeting since the start of the season so credit goes to my husband for his dedication in taking her each week. She is currently working towards her Grade 2 which is an amazing achievement in her first year. She has learnt so much about how to maintain a car, how an engine works and how important it is to drive in a safe and sensible way. The club strongly educates young people to develop their awareness for hazards and how to prepare for them in order to keep them and other drivers safe.

If you know anyone that is interested in learning to drive before they are 17 and wants to develop into a safe driver then I can thoroughly recommend the Under17 Car Club. I have never seen my daughter and husband so enthusiastic and motivated to get up early on a Sunday morning and it is lovely to see their driving relationship developing.

By doing something different my daughter has developed new skills, increased her confidence and hopefully reduced the probability of having an accident in her later driving career.

If you have any questions or queries please feel free to comment or email me at kathrine.smith@simplypositive.co.uk

Here’s to more safe and happy young drivers!