I was back in school this week following the Easter holidays and the change in atmosphere was very noticeable. There was more tension and lots of stressed students with worry etched all over their faces. It was very obvious that GCSEs are not far away.

As a coach and a parent with a daughter about to do her GCSEs, I have personal experience of the increased anxiety and tension that studying for exams brings to a teenagers life. I decided to do a little exercise this week and find out what parents can do to relieve some of the pressure before and during the exams. I asked my students what could parents do to make life easier around their exams and this is what I was told:

1. It is good to be able to ask parents to participate in revision. This may consist of testing them on their knowledge, helping them with flash cards/notes/post its around the house
2. Be interested in what they are doing and let them just talk to you about whatever subject they are revising regardless of whether you know the topic or not
3. Be considerate of their revision timetable and don’t arrange social commitments with family and friends or spring things on them at the last minute. Early communication of anything that will affect them means they can schedule time in for it or make necessary changes and avoid extra pressure.
4. Do not interrupt revision sessions if their door is closed
5.  Have consideration of which room they are in and be mindful of them with regards to hoovering, tidying etc
6. Keep the cupboards stocked up with favourite treats to enjoy on their revision breaks
7. Encourage them to take regular breaks and to drink plenty of fluids
8. Make their favourite suppers
9. Keep calm, cut them a bit more slack than normal and avoid arguments
10. Allow them to have friends over to chill and relax when they are not studying
11. Encourage them to continue with hobbies to break up long revision sessions and give their brains a rest
12. Ease off on their home chores
13. Be supportive and suggest things to help them
14. Encourage them to look after themselves, reasonable bedtimes, eat well and keep exercising
15. Be around just to listen to them whether it be about their progress or concerns. Let them communicate how they feel

I have learn’t a great deal this week about teenagers and their approach to studying for their GCSE’s. Taking the above points into account, I will certainly be taking action to make my daughter’s exam journey as smooth as possible.

The main thing to remember is ‘be supportive and allow them to do what works for them’.

Let’s follow on from my post last week regarding anger, early warning signals and the effect it can have on young people. This week I want to talk about taking the next step and creating a toolbox of coping strategies to deal with anger as and when it arises.

Discussing anger with teenagers is very interesting as quite often they will have a very personal feeling and approach to it. Getting them to make a list of the advantages and disadvantages around their anger can provide the foundation information to create a personal toolbox of coping strategies. This list tells them what they want to happen and what they want to avoid. Once they know this then they can start to explore different coping strategies and build their plan using the steps below:

Step 1 – See It Coming

• Identify anger triggers
• Recognise early warning signals

Step 2 – What do I need to do next?

• Ask yourself – is this a real reason to get mad or is it just an annoyance or irritation?
• Avoid situations that you know will cause you to get angry. Do something different and change habits and routines
• Take a deep breath and continue to focus on your breathing
• Step out or walk away
• Plan your time – poor time management can lead to anger and impatience
• Talk or reason it out – with a friend, colleague or family member
• Use distraction techniques – listen to music, focus on something around you in your current environment, think of a happy time, use mind games like counting or things starting with letters of the alphabet
• Look after yourself, focus on exercise or do something you enjoy

Step 3 – Analyse

• What worked?
• What didn’t work?
• Lessons learned
• Practice, Practice, Practice – the techniques that work for you!
• Don’t give up. Persevere and be determined – results will come

Following these simple steps enables young people to create strategies for dealing with anger and coping with it for the future. It is very useful to discuss how important it is to be able to manage anger ready for later life to avoid career problems or even issues with the police. Attaching real meaning to anger is often enough for them to realise that they need to change their behaviour patterns sooner, rather than later.

The best part of my job is experiencing a successful change in a person’s behaviour. Watching them on their journey of setting goals, creating a strategy, taking action and then obtaining their desired result is amazing. It is what I am passionate about and what motivates and drives me forward.

If you know of someone that is struggling to cope with anger which is having a significant impact on their life then please contact me.

As my school coaching work increases so does the number of students that come to me with anger related issues. Most of them feel very despondent, frustrated and aggrieved and are struggling to find the motivation required for their daily routine. The common causes are home, school or friendship circles.

In my experience, it is very important to establish rapport and build a relationship of trust as quickly as possible. This then creates an environment that teenagers feel comfortable with and are more likely to open up the lines of communication.

Identifying the signs of anger and recognising early warning signals is essential if they are to create a successful strategy on how to cope with anger in the future. The signs of anger generally fall into three categories, physical, mental and other. Some of the physical signs are:

• Sweating
• Shaking
• Fast heart beat
• Clenched fists
• Headaches
• Stomach pains
• Tense muscles
• Tight chest

Quite often, the student identifies that they experience most of the physical signs of anger. Accepting this fact is a major step forward towards learning how to cope and mange their anger.

The next step is getting them to understand the difference between what is an annoyance, an inconvenience and a real reason to get mad. Using non-directional coaching questions enables me to get my student to talk about their anger and how and what they feel about it. Once they understand that anger is an emotion and it is okay to feel angry then some of the pressure they have been carrying starts to lift.  Most young people feel that they should not get angry and feel disappointment when they do.

The real breakthrough comes when they realise that it is how they respond to anger and the action they take, which really matters. Getting them to accept that feelings are neither right nor wrong and that people behave and interpret information differently is so important if they are to respond correctly and avoid conflict.

Most young people feel that they have no choice and control over their life and that adults make all the decisions whether that be at home or at school. By giving them the opportunity to talk about their education, hobbies, home-life, core values and beliefs, they start to identify what they do have responsibility for and the choices available to them.  In my experience, anger and frustration decreases when teenagers feel they are:

• Listened to
• Included in discussions
• Treated in a fair manner
• Given choices
• Acknowledged
• Respected

If you know a teenager that is experiencing these issues then please feel free to contact me. In next week’s post I will cover some “Techniques for Managing Anger”. Have an outstanding week and enjoy the sunshine and the lighter evenings.