I read an interesting article recently by a guy called Bert Fulks who spends time with young people going through addiction recovery.

The subject he had written about really resonated with me as a youth coach and a parent.

He asked his young people a simple question: “How many of you have found yourself in a situation where things started happening that you were not comfortable with, but you stuck around mainly because you felt like you did not have a way out?”

They all raised their hands!

The situations they had found themselves in were to do with sex, drugs, alcohol and crime and usually when they were not ready for it.

Peer pressure and not wanting to be socially different pushed them into doing things they would not normally do. They said they felt cornered and there was no alternative. In some cases they were not where they had told their parents they were going so asking to be rescued was not an option. Drinking the alcohol or taking the drugs was an easier option than being in trouble with Mum and Dad.

This is where the “X-Plan” comes in and provides a young person with an ‘out.’ It is a simple but powerful plan that can provide a lifeline to our children at any time.

For example, if a young person is dropped off at a party and something comes up that makes them feel uncomfortable or they do not want to do it then all they have to do is text Mum or Dad a letter “X.” The person who receives the text rings the young person and follows a very specific conversation format, something like this:

(Parent) “Hello, something has come up and I have to come and get you right now.”

(Young Person) “What has happened?”

(Parent) “I will tell you when I get there. Be ready to leave as I am on my way.”

The young person tells the group they have to leave and that someone is coming to get them.

This provides the young person with a way out whilst not opening themselves up to social ridicule.

The critical part of the X-Plan once the young person has been removed from the situation is that they do not have to talk about what has happened. The choice is completely theirs as to whether they want to or not. Also there has to be an agreement that parents will pass no judgements and ask no questions about the situation. There has to be a  relationship of trust between all parties if this is to work effectively.

The only exception is that if the young person knows that someone is in danger then they have a moral obligation to speak up for their protection, no matter what it may cost them personally.

Coaching young people in school often means that we discuss the negative impact technology and social media has on our lives. In the case of the X-Plan it means we can use technology to help our children where we can and in a more positive way.

I feel that the X-Plan certainly offers young people an alternative option when difficult situations arise and a plan of action for parents to give  their children a way out.

If you know of a young person that is struggling in life and would benefit from life coaching then please contact me.

 

Coaching young people in schools means that occasionally I work with students that are experiencing grief. Last week at the Mental Health in Education Conference, Julia Samuel, author of ‘Grief Works’ stated that 1 in 9 children suffer grief from the death of a significant person in their life.  I had not realised just how many young people are affected.

In my experience of coaching young people through grief I have had success from:

• Building trust
• Giving them space so that they can release their emotions
• Allowing them to express their grief in their own way
• Offering them the opportunity to talk about what is worrying them
• Listening actively to what they have to say
• Talking about the real situation rather than protecting them from it
• Giving them information to enable them to understand what is happening to them so that they can grieve
• Taking them out of their classroom for a ‘walk and talk’ to change the environment
• Doing something else with them like playing a game
• Asking them how they want to be treated so that they have some choice and control in their life

Young people often tell me that they feel the truth and full facts are kept from them because adults feel they need to be protected. This can add to their confusion and frustration and does not help with their grieving process. In a lot of cases they tell me they feel isolated and disconnected.

Giving young people the choice of who they want around them to support them through grief is also very important. If there is no rapport or relationship of trust then young people will find it very difficult to open up and release the pain they are feeling inside.

Teachers can also play a big part in assisting young people in school who are grieving. Offering them space, time-outs, support, kindness and understanding can make a huge difference. Having a signal system to let teachers know they are struggling has certainly helped one of my students cope with being in the classroom. Just knowing that if things get too much they can go out without the rest of the class knowing they are struggling has made life easier and more manageable.

School pastoral teams can also help by recording key dates like anniversaries and birthdays to build school awareness regarding changes in a students behaviour around these sensitive times and to incorporate flexibility around work deadlines.

Family can also make a difference by talking about how grief is affecting them as they could be experiencing similar emotions. Discussing the change in the dynamics of a family when a key member disappears is a crucial part of the grieving process which can then lead to acceptance and loss of that person. Discussing how and what needs to change will assist in the restoration of the family’s natural equilibrium.

The main thing is that young people who are grieving need to feel connected with family, friends and school. Being able to let the pain out means they can then build the strength and resilience they need to carry on with their own life.

If you know of a person that is suffering from grief and would benefit from coaching then please contact me.

 

On Friday I attended the Mental Health in Education Conference in London which was organised by the International Positive Education Network (IPEN).

The day consisted of an array of inspirational speakers from a variety of backgrounds – from authors to clinicians. There were also some amazing trade stands offering a range of tools and techniques that could be used in schools to build character, self-confidence, personal awareness, regulate behaviour and foster optimism and resilience.

Sir Anthony Seldon was our chair for the day and he got things off to a mindful start by getting us to take a few deep breaths and bring ourselves into the present moment. He then went straight into a vibrant welcome and kick-started the programme of speakers.

Getting young people to ‘flourish’ in education was the theme of the day and not just in an academic sense! This was music to my ears as so many of my students tell me they do not feel valued when they are not academically minded.

The speakers covered topics such as:

• Promoting good mental health for all
• A happiness focus needs to be a goal for all schools
• Nurturing students to flourish and succeed
• Having a balanced approach around measurements, not just about academia
• Life skills to be taught in school at least once a week possibly in the PHSE slot
• All schools to have a wellbeing code that includes teachers, students and parents
• More communication, support and connection between parents, students and teachers
• Every school to have a senior teacher in charge of mental health
• All teachers to have basic mental health training
• Parents and teachers to encourage young people to have more of a sense of belonging around their education
• Positive psychology advocates wellbeing and healthy mental health

The speakers of the day were:

• Sir Professor Simon Wessely – President of the Royal College of Psychiatrists
• Julia Samuel MBE – Author of Grief Works: Stories of Life, Death and Surviving
• Dr Lucy Hone – Author of Resilient Grieving
• Professor Lord Richard Layard – Director of Wellbeing Programme, LSE
• David Halpern – Chief Executive, Behavioural Insights Team
• Dr Abdulla Al Karam – Director General of KHDA Dubai
• Dr Raj Chande – Behavioural Insights Team, Cabinet Office
• Professor James Arthur – Director of the Jubilee Centre for Character & Virtues
• Dr Mario Piacentini – Economist/OECD
• Jamie Bristow – Director at The Mindfulness Initiative
• Richard Burnett – Co-Founder and Director, Mindfulness in Schools Project (MISB)
• Dr Martin Seligman – Zellerbach Family Professor of Psychology; Director Positive Psychology Centre University of Pennsylvania

The main points that I took away from the day are:

• The core curriculum needs to include educating young people to develop healthy wellbeing, life satisfaction and happiness.
• Shifting the focus in education to what students can do rather than what they can’t
• Working with what fascinates and what is familiar with students to improve engagement in the classroom
• Injecting more fun into education
• Young people need to be taught about healthy mental health from a young age to help them develop optimism and reduce helplessness
• Mental health prevention is better than cure and leads to less suffering and cost

Finally there were two other speakers who were my absolute favourites and they were Naomi Lea and George Fielding from the #iwill campaign.

Naomi spoke about her own struggle with panic and anxiety and said she had received fantastic support from Childline. She confirmed that being involved with the #iwill project and volunteering is what made the difference. It helped her to develop new skills, confidence  and overcome her anxiety. Standing up and being able to talk to us all on Friday at the conference was an amazing achievement, she was utterly inspirational.

George is a philosophy student and #iwill ambassador. He is also ‘on wheels’ as he puts it,  and a definite entertainer. He said that education does not encourage students to be individual or to learn from each other. He wants students to be who they want to be and be educated how they want to be educated and they need to shout for that change. He was passionate, inspiring and captivating, he brought tears of pride to my eyes and also had lots of us on our feet when he had finished.

Life has not been easy for George or Naomi and they have overcome their challenges whilst helping others and contributing to their communities. How amazing is that!

The event was rounded up on a fun note with Sir Anthony Seldon playing a clip of himself singing ‘Happy‘ by Pharrell Williams which was filmed at Wellington College, Berkshire, UK.

I had an awe-inspiring day listening to outstanding speakers and learning lots about how we can all make a difference to young people in education. I can’t wait to see what happens next regarding what the influential speakers from Friday’s event do to implement change around mental health in education.

If you were at the event on Friday I would love to hear your comments so please feel free to contact me.